Man oh man, all I want to do is cry because that is my coping mechanism but I have no more tears left to cry out on this situation
Love has always been a battle, since I was little as I felt that I deserved so much more than I was being given because I had a bland personality that led me to blend into the cracks, that also
gives you an answer to why I tend to be outspoken and sometimes over the top in my adulthood, I can't continue to allow my amazingness to not be seen
Without overly getting into the situation at hand all I am going to say is just imagine being in love with someone who wants to take things really slow when it comes to emotions but fast when it comes to other things that should be secondary, this person tells you over and over to give them time and they will come around
They then go off and choose to push you away because they found another route in life but they don’t want you to know because they know that it will possibly end what yall have or potentially have
Then they find the time and right angle to come back and act like things never happened and push all of your questions under the carpet as if it never existed, but you refuse to let someone play you for stupid so you know the untold
But you love this person so you go back in with the emotions off of the table because you genuinely care for them and at least want that cherished friendship that you had with them resurface, but if it meant the same to you as it did to them...would they have let it fizz out in the first place? Of course not, but I think that it is okay to say know your worth but let's be honest, in the moment with the right wrong person that all goes out the window
And this person knows your love for them and they choose to use that in their favor, not sure if because they are selfish or if they are just oblivious to the fact of what they are doing. Wait no you would have to be a complete dumb ass to do something like that and not realize what you are doing, we mustn't be friends if you up and ghosted
But wait it gets deeper, so you're in that whole 1 year plus back and forth. And that person that told you they weren’t ready to love or be in a commitment the moment was able to find love with someone else, yes sure maybe I didn’t bring that out of you but what happened to honesty? Keeping it real shouldn’t be difficult
Then let's fast forward two months and this man who you once loved and could still see yourself with but you know that he was in a secret relationship goes through some shit and posts of losing love and a breakup on his social media how do you feel? Like you just took a blow to the chest? Like you just got the answer to the question in your head? Like you will be there when he needs a shoulder? Like good because he was mine first anyways?
I would have expected to fly into one of the categories for sure but I didn’t fit into any as I landed into the how could I have loved or wanted such a person, all of my love and hope for you just left my body. Of course I sent a I hope your okay, better days are coming text just because I have a big heart and I want no one to go through pain alone but I too had to think of myself. But how could I love someone who could lie to me in my face, someone who could have a relationship apart from mine, someone who could ignore my love but glorify another, someone who could blast their failed love attempt on social media, someone who could be so broken, someone older than me but acted younger, someone who was apparently in a relationship but hitting my line every day of the week
Of course I ain't perfect and I can’t judge anyone but I’m just stating my truth.
I am so confused but I can’t let my confusion place me in a standstill because now is my time to continue to live for me since you showed me your true colors. My love and loyalty to you will not disappear overnight but I will get there.
They said I was destined for you, that you were my twin flame and my soulmate but candles burn out and some souls never meet so I’ll take it as our flame being on its burn out stage.
Have you ever wanted something so bad and when you finally got it you no longer wanted it, I guess I’ll never know how that really feels because apparently I never had you.
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