Seeing that today is Mother’s Day its only fit that I dedicate a blog to my favorite human. My mom has forever been that one stable being in my life and I am forever blessed to have her. Within my life I have had so many people come and go or switch up but moms always stayed the same. Mother's Day in quarantine makes me appreciate her even more, its important to realize that what we have in times like these and bonds like the one I have with her have been glorified in the current.
My mom dropped out of elementary to help take care of her younger siblings when my Nani got sick, then her father passed and there was no way she could go back to school. That is something that has always lingered in my moms brain but it made her so strong. I remember telling my mom that my college graduation was coming up she was so emotional because though we struggled I made it happen and I told her that this one was for her. She was so proud that I did it for us, she told everyone of my accomplishment. She was just as proud when we graduated elementary, middle and highschool.
My mom has always loved and supported every little venture that I have wanted to do. She has never complained that I'm trying to do too much and has came to the rescue when I took one too many orders. I feel as if she pushes me to try new things and to be good at it, when I don't 100% believe in myself the first time around she does. She will always be my biggest support system.
My dad left my mom and us to go start a new life without a notice and I knew my moms heart was hurting but she didn’t let us see her break. She stated strong for us and made things happen. My mom jumped into action and moved us to Hayward, we lived out of my uncles one bedroom apartment living room for about 8 months and I know it was killing my mom to have us live under her little brother but she never lost hope or let us see her sadness. My mom ended up getting a job and saving up to get us our own place, I could see the pride in her face when we got our first apartment. Having your own place is just something amazing and with us being older giving us space was something that she thrived for. From the first day that she got her job she has worked non stop to make sure we had a roof over our head and no worries. We weren't rich but we weren't without, and we came from the depths of the bottom.
I remember 8 Mother's Days ago I set out to surprise my mom with something amazing since I was working a stable job and she deserved a thrill of her life. We had been looking around to buy a new sofa set, so I went and bout the one that she had her eye on and had it delivered to the house when she was at work. I had my uncle come over and hang our plasma TV and bought some art work to put up on the wall. The next morning when we came home from picking her up from work I let her go into the house and I trialed behind. As soon as she opened the door she started to cry and couldn't believe that I did that for her. Then of course in true Nisha fashion she started to piece together why I took her to work early the day before.
I love talking to my mom about her childhood and the days before she had us. Her story is so interesting to me and I love when she tells be the same story again and again. She tells me about life back in Fiji, her travel to Canada, how it was coming to live with her uncle in San Francisco, then about how she got married. My mom has so many stories and I love to hear the stories so I can remember her story as I know one day I won’t be able to dig into her past and hear her retell me things.
I love getting my mom all dolled up for family parties, holidays and work events. She often tells me to take it easy but with her I never do because I want her to shine and glow like the beauty that she is. When you look beautiful you feel beautiful and that she is always to me.
When my dad died I seen true sadness in my moms face and I could feel it from her heart. She then in that moment let out all of the sadness that she had suppressed when my dad left us in LA to go off and start his own life without a notice. She had so much love for him even though he turned on his family and broke her heart. She was going thru the same amount of pain as my brother and I because that was her love, her husband and it just all sank in. She was reminded of all the good times, all the bad, the hurt and and the love.
In September of that same year my mom was hospitalized and we found out that she had an enlarged heart. It all made sense be if you know my mom you know that she is one of the most genuine giving people that there are in the world. Seeing my mom in pain and the struggle of knowing the doctors couldn’t find a cause for a week made me so scared. I called into work for 2 weeks so I could be by her side, I was at the hospital at 11 am and didn't leave until visiting hours were over. I couldn’t loose another parent. Reality set in that without my mom I have nothing or no one because my mom has been the most stable thing that I have had in my life.
My mom is the mom that calls every few hours if she hasn‘t talked to you just to check in and make sure you are okay. She is the mom that will call back to back to back in the middle of the night if I’m not home just to make sure that I am safe. Some get confused and question when she does it, I often get a little nervous to answer but I love it because I know that she cares and I get sad because I know that one day those calls will stop and I will for sure miss them. She is the calm to my storm and the chill to my fire, together we just balance each other out.
My mom has instilled in both my brother and I an amazing work ethic. We know how it is to be with little to nothing so we want to make sure that we work our hardest to not hit rock bottom again. Every minute of missed work is missed money so it better be for a reason. Even though mom worked a lot she always made sure to make time for us, we never felt alone or neglected while she built a new life for us from bottom to top.
I always tell my mom that I want to buy her a house and she calls me a dreamer, but I remind her that I am her daughter and if I think it through and try really hard I can make that dream a reality. She reflects on my childhood home and how we lost it all because my dad just worried about living the life he wanted rather than making sure we remained secure while he left and I see that the sadness in that is real. It’s my dream to buy her a home in which we don’t fill someone else’s pockets and not own it, to place her somewhere that is stable
amd will be ours forever as it’s on us to make sure it stays ours.
In February I called my mom to let her know that I was on the way to the hospital from work because I cut my hand and wasn't sure how bad it was, the sound in her voice broke my heart and I was frustrated in myself for calling her. She panicked as she didn't know what was going on and didn't know what to do. When I walked out of the ER I seen her in the waiting room and I ran to her with sadness, of course I had hurt myself but I knew I had hurt her too because she was scared. She expressed to my aunt and my best friend that she was genuinely scared for me because I was all that she had, I never got hurt before and that she didn't know what she would do without me. She acknowledged that I was her counterpart and we worked as a team. She had the same fear that I had a few years back when she was sick in the hospital.
My mom always hints at me getting married, or me having kids and I know most of that is because she doesn't want me to be alone if something happens to her. I usually brush it off because on one side I haven't found anyone worth marrying and on the other side I am scared that if I do go get married what will happen to my mom. If I get married I don't want my mom to feel alone, I don't want her to feel like she's loosing me or question her life from there on out. I always told myself that I will buy a house prior to getting married so that my mom can stay with me and I know it will happen.
I could write so much more about my mom because I love her so, but let me not take all of your time. Happy Mother's Day to my mom and all of the other wonderful mothers out there.
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